What do Asian girls in bikinis have to do with dudes getting their dicks grabbed by river crabs? How about nice thick asses on teenagers, sluts showing their O-faces, and memes about jacking off in the river? I know this is a goddamn mystery, so I’ll give you one more example before the big reveal. Where can you find sexy professional models posing on rooftops, comics about accidentally groping some girl’s giant boobies, voyeur shots of the lady downstairs sunbathing nude on her balcony? Or what about Simpsons memes with anime references you won’t get unless you wear a fedora and never shave your neck? Well, my friends, you’ll find all this and more in 9GAG’s NSFW section.
9GAG.com has been serving up dank memes and pretty girls since 2008. The online image-sharing and social media site hosts user-generated material from all over the goddamn place and is often considered the butthole of the Internet. Why? Because all the shit you see on sites like Facebook, Instagram, and whatever the kids are using this week originated at 9GAG. I’m a sketchy-ass dude, so naturally, I gravitated toward the site’s NSFW section. If I had a boss, I’d totally get fired, but don’t let that stop you from fucking up your productivity with a visit to this haven of hotties, double entendres, and some deeply nerdy jokes.
Not Your Typical Porno Site
9GAG ain’t your typical porn site. In fact, it ain’t a porn site at all. Even the NSFW section, rated Not Safe for Work, has “No sexually explicit content” written right under the NSFW header, to which I ask, WTF? Why bother with a section of material you shouldn’t look at with the boss around if you’re going to pussy out and avoid the nipples, the raging cocks, and close-ups of mouths, cooters, and buttholes being penetrated by them? It seems like pansy-ass bullshit for little baby wimps, but who am I to judge?
Most of the content here is still images, with some animated GIFs and short videos to break up the monotony. By default, the Hottest material is shown first. The hotness is determined by a combination of upload date and the current number of votes. Users can vote content up or down via some arrows below each image, or they can leave comments if they feel like being a little more social, proving mom wrong every time she says you have no friends.
The Hottest piece of content right now is a 35-second video. It opens with an Asian dude kneeling in a river, feeling around under the water for something. He starts screaming like a girl and stands up, revealing a crab hanging from his speedos. Another dude hears him screaming and helps unlatch the claws from the guy’s nuts.
It’s funny watching this dude flop around to what is probably a staged sexual assault by a crustacean. Still, it’s only fap material if you have a particular fetish that I’ve never encountered in all my tours of BDSM tubes and kink paysites. I’m more interested in content like the second Hottest piece here, a short video of a thick teen showing off her ass and thighs in a new pair of tight jeans. Below that chick is a still photo of a Japanese beauty with giant titties wearing almost nothing. Since 9GAG doesn’t allow sexually explicit content in their NSFW section, her nipples are covered up by the strap of a robe she’s got hanging off her body.
The prohibition against real sexual content is a pain, but there’s some good stuff here. I found a close-up shot of some Latina’s big ass, her cunt and butthole just hidden by her panties. Another babe takes a mirror selfie in her new and very revealing swimsuit, and another chick shows off a rack-revealing dress in a kitchen. Her choice is between making us cum and making a sandwich, but 9GAG made the choice for her with their no-sex rule.
Sex Memes and Jokes About Porno
9GAG is known more for the memes that escape the site than the almost-naked ladies their users like to post. In the NSFW section, they’re a little bit sexier. For example, I found an Asian teen pointing at an Asian MILF’s titties with the caption “Global Warming” at the top. The younger broad is labeled Earth, and the older titties are the Ozone Layer. I stared at it for a good 5 minutes and didn’t get the joke, but I did get a pretty stiff penis over the whole thing. I have a weird urge to either donate to an environmental charity or go spray a bunch of aerosol cans of lead-based paint into the ocean.
Sometimes you’ll get a sex-themed joke without anything sexy to look at or masturbate about. There’s a joke meme showing a creepy picture of a fish with a human face, coupled with images of a goofy-ass puppet who jacked off into the river. There’s also a Rick and Morty screengrab with the caption, “When She Tells You To Put It In Already. You Son of a Bitch, I’m In!”
When they’re not joking about their own teeny, tiny microdicks, the users of 9GAG’s NSFW area sometimes slip genuinely NSFW content past the censors. I found one nip-slip shot of a supermodel on the front page, scrolled down a bit, and found an animated GIF of a girl giving a blowjob. The explicit sex was a sight for sore eyes, though it’s probably still up because of the artistic filter rendering the whole thing as a pencil-drawn animation. It’s not immediately clear you’re watching a girl trying to suck semen out the straw until you linger on the image a few seconds.
There are also a lot of obvious porn screengrabs with the really dirty stuff cropped out and jokes captioned in. I found a hot slut playing video games while her friend’s screaming face, legs above her head, poking into the shot from a crazy angle to the side. There’s some joke about the Australia bush fires and the impending war between the USA and Iran, but my pervert ass has spent the last 10 minutes staring at the pic and trying to remember what porno it’s from. I looked in the comment section, hoping somebody would throw me a bone, but instead, the nerds are complaining that the girl’s controller isn’t actually on. Priorities, dipshits!
I recognize another porn-screengrab meme as having come from Mia Khalifa’s breakout scene with Julianna Vega. The two babes are standing there in burkas, flanking the scene’s stud as he stands there dressed like a badass biker dude. The caption reads, “IRANIAN DIPLOMATS MEET WITH U.S. INTEL OFFICER TO NEGOTIATE CEASEFIRE”. I have to admit, that one’s pretty funny, but I need to go take a fap break and watch the BangBros classic. Goddamn, there’s nobody I want to return to the video sex industry more than Mia.
Hot Stuff, Sexy Stuff, Funny Stuff?
9GAG’s default view shows the Hottest stuff first. I switched it to the Fresh view so I could see the newest material hitting the site. I finally hit paydirt on the porno. The very latest thing is a short amateur video of a really gorgeous, mysteriously ethnic broad riding some dude’s cock. She’s got a perfect body with perky round tits, a shaved cunt, and a beautiful smile as she bounces. The clip was added 11 minutes ago, and I wonder just how many more it has before the mods pull it down.
The site is updated every few minutes with new, often original content, but most of it isn’t the same caliber as that amateur cock ride. A minute before that was uploaded, some dork added a meme about Fortnite and Doom, and it really has no business in the NSFW section. You could bring this to fucking kindergarten and show your teacher, and she’d probably just tell you she prefers Call of Duty. In the last hour, the site has seen a bunch of new bikini shots, security cam footage of a voyeur peeking up a lady’s skirt, and a chick flashing her titties out of her new dress.
9GAG’s NSFW area officially offers “no sexually explicit content,” but you can still find some good stuff in there. There are plenty of hot chicks in bikinis and revealing dresses, though truly pornographic material is rarer. You can probably catch a fap session here, though the site will be of more interest to folks looking for a cheap laugh at memes with some light T&A mixed in.