You know, I wasn't always the pussy crushing alpha male I am today. I'm just kidding. I came out of the womb a pussy crusher. I went right from the uterus and onto a nurse's tits. My little baby Weiner couldn't do much yet, but it didn't stop me from grinding on the female staff. Had I been born in a catholic church, I would have started racking numbers up at five minutes old.
Private (Parts) Conversation
It's been a blast being a testosterone-filled alpha my whole life, but that's not to say it hasn't led to some trouble. My friends hated to invite me over for sleepovers because their moms were obsessed with me. They would steal me away every chance they got for a "private conversation."
God forbid if my friend had a pool at his house. These mom bitches would be out skinny dipping and nude sunbathing the whole time I was over. I couldn't get a break, which was fine with me. I crushed as much mom pussy as I could get my hands on. It turned many friends into enemies, but I can't help it. They should blame their moms, not me.
I would tell friends they were welcome to try to fuck my mom, but I knew it would never happen. No one else in my school had alpha energy like I did. I was fucking teachers, subs, counselors, nurses, guards, and even principles. Needless to say, I breezed through high school, having never learned a thing while breaking GPA records. I was the "smartest" kid around.
At some point, I started to see my skills as a gift. These bitches should gravel at my feet and give thanks to my balls. I don't need them. Fresh pussy is always around the corner for me. If I give a bitches vagina the time of day, then she owes me.
The Old Switcharoo
Because my dick is a gift to women everywhere, it goes great with the holidays. Moms work hard and deserve to be celebrated on a day like mothers day. However, to quote the song "MotherLover" by The Lonely Island and Justin Timberlake, every mothers day needs a mothers night.
"MotherLover" could be the theme song for the site I'm reviewing in this article. The place captures the essence of "MotherLover" and translates it into porn. The name says it all: MomSwapped.
"MotherLover" is all about two friends who love their moms deciding to fuck each other's moms because moms deserve good dick. The two friends recognize all the hard work these bitches did raising them, and what better way to say thank you than with an orgasm?
I know what you guys are thinking right now. "But Mr. Porndude, the reason I watch incest porn so much is because I want to fuck my mom!" I get it, trust me. Perhaps the worst thing that's ever happened to me is discovering how many men want to fuck blood relatives under the guise of "step."
So listen. If you want to fuck your mom, there are sites for it. Mom Swapped is a place for ordinary humans that find the idea of fucking their mom disgusting. So with that disclaimer said, let's move on.
I'm sure when you visited your friends, their moms didn't even want to look you in the eye, let alone fuck you. On the other end, I'm sure every time you saw your friend's mom, you got stiff as a board. I can't get you laid by a friend's mom, but Mom Swap will make you forget it was ever a problem.
Mom's Weekly Allowance
I want to get right into the content for this review, but first, we have to talk about money. Moms of this quality don't come for free, and why should they? When you do something well, don't do it for free. That's the motto that led me to turn masturbating into a career.
While you will have to throw down some greenbacks to see these mom tits, the prices should be well within your means. What else are you spending your parent's allowance on?
Mom Swapped offers three levels of membership, allowing potential "clients" to choose what best fits their "lifestyle." First things first is the thirty-day membership that will set you back $24.98 a month. This is a recurring membership, so don't worry about having to keep up with your porn bill. They'll do it for you.
The one month is an ok option, but personally, I like to save money where I can, and that is the most expensive selection. The next option is a three-month membership that goes for $59.94. That equals only $19.98 a month, which is a steal, given how hot this Mom Swap content is.
The last and least expensive option is a full years subscription for only $84.00. That's fucking absurd. This site is well worth seven fucking bucks a month. You'll get your bang for your buck long before the year passes.
Now that you have the numbers, let's check the substance starting with "Getting My Mom Badge Season one: Episode one. Big titty step moms Lauren Philips and Skylar Snow both have stepsons participating in the local scout program. Their boys, Robbie Echo and Juan Loco enjoy doing projects together, so they often hang out.
Of course, the kids must be watched when they work, so the stepmoms have become quick friends. For whatever reason, the boys are taking extra long with their project today, and both stepmoms have plans they can't cancel. They chastise the boys to stop goofing off and keep working, but it doesn't seem to be working.
Finally, the ladies come up with a plan. Perhaps Rico and Juan will be more apt to listen if the commands are not coming from their stepmom. To test the waters, the ladies switch kids, but it doesn't take long to see this isn't working.
Now it's time to get creative. Lauren tries to embarrass Juan into behaving by making him take his pants off. Skylar finds that a bit weird, but she follows suit. When that still doesn't work, Lauren instructs Skylar to play with Robbie's cock.
Juan is no dummy, so he keeps acting up in hopes that his dick can get played with also. His plan works, and now both the boys know what they must do. Pretty soon, they are being punished by having to play with these hot moms' titties. Why aren't all punishments this awesome?
Lauren and Skylar can't help but notice the boners growing in Juan's and Robbie's pants. Nor can they help from not sucking them. Once the cock has crossed the oral plain, what's to stop them from going all the way?
The two big titty bimbos crawl into the laps of their respective partners and start riding their dicks with a passion only milfs have. It's clear that the stepsons have never felt anything this good in their lives. As the sluts bounce up and down, the boys try to get a titty in their mouth to suck on.
This is still just the warm-up, though. The ladies switch positions, and now both boys are going hog wild. They may not be the most experienced stepsons in the world, but they still know how to stroke. I can see the surprise in these bitches faces. They didn't think each other's stepsons had it in them.
These are still young men, so they can't hold back a nut much longer. They blast ropes all over their partners and are told they immediately have to return to work. While the ladies clean up, they decide to skip plans and go on the hunt for more young cock.
This feature is an instant classic. I bet Mom Swapped will run this scout series for a long time. I'm on the edge of my seat to see who fucks who next.
Besides the theme, the video quality and camera work are fantastic. No expenses were spared in producing this high art. Now excuse me. I need to go bust a nut before I finish this article.
You fuckers have all dreamed of a mom swap scenario. Instead of dreaming, I've lived that shit, so take it from me. This is as real as Mom Swapping porn can get.
There isn't a whole lot to complain about here. One thing I'm surprised about is that they don't clarify that Mom Swapped is part of a network you gain access to with a Mom Swapped membership. It's a great selling point.
I wish to end with a quote from The Lonely Island. "Cause I'm a motherlover - You're a motherlover - We should fuck each other's mothers."