Aloha means hello and goodbye! I guess that the alohatube is an appropriate name for a porn page, because, let's face it, everything comes down to sex, from the moment when we all were just two tiny cells merged together to the day we die. Yeah, it sounds like some philosophical shit that is too complicated for your morning dose of review reading, but it's way simpler than it sounds. You want to check out a new page and know everything about it beforehand, and I want to have fun with writing stuff like shit and fuck, and earn some big dough along the way. Let the wild games begin!
Why so obsolete?
Yeah, I noticed that alohatube.com/top/masturbation looks outdated as fuck, but that is not the first thing that caught my keen eye. Statistics on top of the homepage saying that 50K new videos were added last week blew me away. 6.7K videos added to the page today! This is when it hit me that I've seen alohatube.com before.
Yep, I reviewed another category on this page, and today I chose the masturbation stash. I can't tell you the exact reason behind my decision. It just felt right to show to the world that some people do the naughty thing you've been doing in the darkness of your room in front of a camera and don't give a damn about other people's opinions.
I kinda like the palm tree logo. It reminded me of GTA Vice City and good ole days when I was as free as a bird to go crazy on the streets of the imaginary town, steal a car, then paint it in a random car shop and make all cops forget about me right away. That shit was fun! Anyhow, the green background looks like crap, literally, and the overall vibe of alohatube.com/top/masturbation is meh. Outdated, not appealing, but free of any ads.
The thumbnails are big and still...wait, what!!! I scrolled down, only to get a glimpse inside the categories list, only to discover that alohatube.com/top/masturbation counts over 2 million videos. Fuck my fucking shit! Damn, no wonder that this page forgot to tweak the site a little bit. The crew behind this joint invested some serious time into uploading new stuff, and if I had to choose between the design and regular updates, I would choose the latter option any time, day or night!
Top rated videos focusing on cunt rubbing
Somehow, when someone says masturbation porn, we all instantly think of a pussy getting rubbed and drilled. Nobody gives a damn about a single guy stroking his willy. Nobody in his right mind wants to see a pair of hairy balls bouncing up and down while the dude squirms in his chair, makes idiotic faces, and curls his crusty toes. Not even gays dig that shit! On the other hand, there is something dang hot about the sight of a chick getting off alone. Dudes like it, ladies love it, and the adult industry likes it even more. Namely, you don't need lots of things to shoot a solo scene. One camera, one chick, and one vibrator. Cheap and effective.
So, there's this gaping pussy thumbnail that keeps getting on my nerves. It's out there, annoying and hot at the same time, so I'm gonna go with it and check how the player works. It's a 7-minute-long clip featuring an amateur milf with a hairy cunt. I have to wait for some random ad to end and allow me to click on the skip, but the situation is rather tolerable. Small tits, an ugly face but a pristine clean kitchen. A horny hoe and a hell of a tile polisher! She fingers her cunt, and it's all dandy, but that's not why I came to alohatube.com/top/masturbation. I wanted to check if all videos were free, and they are! Available to every single fucker who feels an itch below the waist.
What are you supposed to do with 2 million masturbation clips?
Once you get the hang of things on alohatube.com/top/masturbation, and once you learn how to cope with the horrendous background color, you'll probably stick to this tube page for the rest of your days. How much porn a day does a dude need anyway?! However, I have some bad news. Alohatube.com/top/masturbation doesn't present any advanced filtering tools. The search box is the only possible way out. Since masturbation is already the common topic for over 2 million flicks, you'll have to get creative and really dig inside this stash deep enough to discover the object of your perviest dreams.
Around 100 movies were uploaded in the last ten hours. A crazy uploading schedule! Does quantity always mean a lack of quality? One of the freshest clips features one of those teens who are actually 29, wearing glossy pink shoes and two ponytails that look fucking ridiculous on a 29-year-old head. The grandpa, step-grandpa, of course, wanks his tiny dong on a balcony when the flabbergasted "teen" catches him.
While the video loads, I catch a glimpse of tags and categories below the player. I'm coming back to explore the neat-looking list in a minute, as soon as I am done with the fauxect, fauxteen shit. The video is SD, and it looks like the grandpa over there is about to get a stroke, but other than that, it's fine. An amateur flick featuring two idiots, but at least it's free. You'd be amazed to know that a shitload of dudes all over the world prefers amateur vids over premium porn, and it's not about the money. Trust me on this one!
The thing that annoys me the most
The list of tags below the grandpa flicks was a beam of hope in a cramped tunnel where you can't see shit. I thought that I was gonna tell you the good news, but what happened when I clicked on a tag was that I got redirected to another tube page. I'm not saying it's necessarily a bad thing, but I came here to watch videos on alohatube.com/top/masturbation and not roam around some random websites I haven't even reviewed yet! Wait a minute! I was redirected to the unknown tube page the moment I clicked play on the grandpa video, and I just failed to notice that! The superb acting skills of the pigtailed teen blew me away to such an extent that my keen TPD senses got jammed for a minute!
I have to be fair to alohatube.com/top/masturbation. Yes, the page design needs to be modernized, and I hate the absence of proper filtering tools, but let's stop for a second and acknowledge the fact that alohatube.com counts over 12 million free videos in its collection. New videos are uploaded to this page every five minutes, and this is not something that should be taken lightly, either by you or me. The best part about the updates is that sites that bring regular updates always boast a crazy level of diversity. Remember that the next time you are in need of some good, free porno.
Alohatube counts over 400K amateur anal videos, 727K videos featuring Latinas, over 300K presenting the foot fetish, 260K rimjobs, 1,9 million cumshots, and over 324K DP videos. This is worthy of my admiration. I did notice that the videos are on the short side in the masturbation stash, ranging between one to 15 minutes, roughly speaking. In any case, all of this comes free of charge. Alohatube.com/top/masturbation doesn't need your username, password, or your money! The page's mission is to please. As simple as that!
That's all folks
Masturbation is a part of almost every porn clip. That might be the reason behind a huge colossal number of movies in the alohatube.com/top/masturbation section. All xxx movies start with cunt rubbing or cock stroking until someone gets caught and realizes that fighting the urge to bang is futile
. Thank the dull, same old porn scenarios for such a big number of masturbation vids on alohatube.com.
No need to thank me! Once again, I've presented you with a website that has the potential to become the site of your wet dreams if you learn to look at the big picture. Ignore the fuck-ups! Life is more than a couple of random ads and a crappy shade of green as a background. Watch as one xxx website grows in front of your very eyes, and spend some time on it. You're gonna have a hell of a party! Happy fapping, suckers! Aloha!