I’ve wanted a Pornstar Harem for pretty much as long as I can remember, and I know I ain’t alone in that desire. Hell, I’d bet almost any heterosexual dude has had the same idea, at least while they’re staring at the ceiling and jerking their cock under the bedsheets. Unless you’re ludicrously wealthy, though, you probably ain’t going to have a harem in this day and age, at least not in the Western world. Fortunately for all us perverts, the folks who made this next game understand our lusts and slut-collecting fantasies.
PornstarHarem.com is a new game by the folks who do HentaiHeroes. In fact, I could sum it up loosely by saying it’s basically the same game, only with porno photos instead of hentai. That doesn’t quite do it justice, though, which is why I’m writing up this longform review. I’d classify it as an adult RPG with visual novel elements, putting you in the shoes of some nerd who becomes the world’s biggest porn stud. As a four-eyed ginger who’s now banging real pornstars over at PornDudeCasting, I can certainly relate! The big question as always, though, is how easy the whole thing is to jack off to. Let’s find out.
Let’s Build a Pornstar Harem
The intro screen for PornstarHarem features a photo of a blonde chick in a blue bra, angel wings poking out of her back. “Welcome to my game, handsome!” she says. “Your adventure begins! I’m counting on you to seduce countless sexy girls…” The moment you start playing, you’re treated to a POV shot of two pornstars teaming up to give you some head.
Much of the game plays out in a visual novel style, where you’re clicking through pics and dialog. The game uses a ton of high-quality porn shots to drive the story and help you masturbate. This intro is your first taste, taking you through a nice little threesome scene. At the end, your character says, “You’re probably wondering how a guy like me got himself in this situation. Well, it started when I met Shawna. This is the story…” Cue title screen.
If you’ve played Hentai Heroes, the game is going to feel familiar right from the opening. When the real gameplay begins, you’re going to be right at home; the actual game interface is nearly identical. Pornstar Harem hits a lot of the same notes in the beginning, too. In this one, your guide is going to be that angel-winged pornstar you saw out front, Shawna, but she serves the same basic function as the bunny-eared anime bimbo from Hentai Heroes.
Almost as soon as Shawna starts talking to you, your landlord rings your doorbell. “Three months without paying rent!” she says. “Today is the day I get my cash!” The babe on the screen doesn’t look anything like my asshole landlord, though, nor is she going to give me another lease violation notice about the weed smell. Instead, she’s a MILFy pornstar. Anybody who watches smut will know where this scene is going. “Let’s go in and have a little conversation. If it goes well, you’ll never have to worry about rent ever again…”
This Boner I Have Seems Familiar
At this point, a screen pops up telling me I’ve reached Level 2. That’s progress, baby, and it’s also the beginning of another sex scene. This time, you can see the dude’s face as he slams her this way and that, but it’s apparently not me. “What’s going on? This isn’t my face… or my body… and that’s definitely not my dick!!!” Later, we find out Shawna can also change her appearance. It’s a convenient way of explaining all the different pornstars and porn studs we’ll be seeing along the way.
As we’re fucking, the landlord starts talking about building my harem. She says if I impress a lady enough, she’ll stick around to hook me up with “services” whenever I want. Attraction level is measured in points, and I’ve got 100 of them towards my sexy PornstarHarem landlord by the end of the scene.
Here's where PornstarHarem.com first hits you up for money. One of the things I liked about HentaiHeroes was that it took longer than other free-to-play games to try selling you stuff, so I’m a little disappointed it came so early this time. The initial offer is five bucks for a pile of spendable gold normally worth $40, but I wasn’t ready to spend real dinero yet. The best free-to-play games are the ones where the game ain’t crippled for free players, so I wanted to see how far I could get without taking out my wallet.
After declining the purchase, Shawna appears on the screen again to guide me through the harem interface. Again, those of you who’ve played HentaiHeroes will feel right at home. She lays out a lot of the rules and goals of the game, explaining how to collect money and access more content. I did run into a little glitch here, where Shawna told me to click the back button and I couldn’t, but refreshing the page did the trick.
When you finally see the United States map labeled with Begin City and Fuckwell University, you start to get a feel for the sheer size and scope of Pornstar Harem. I don’t have any hard numbers to give you, but it looks like there’s going to be a fucking ton of X-rated content to unlock along the way. That’s always been one of the big selling points of Hentai Heroes, so it’s exciting to see here.
Is Pornstar Harem Really Free?
The overall game mechanics are simple yet engaging, making for some great one-handed gameplay. There are various different points to keep track of, but you honestly don’t have to pay too much attention to them as you’re clicking through the porn scenes. I’d say the most important points are the ones with the lightning bolt, since you spend one each time you click. They refresh automatically with time, which means free players may run out from time to time if they’re clicking too fast.
That said, I think they dole out everything in a fair and reasonable way. I was able to play for a long time without pumping any quarters into the PornstarHarem machine, and I’d say the in-app purchases really do feel optional. That can’t be said about a lot of the adult gacha games out there.
During today’s trip to PornstarHarem.com, I banged my landlord, had a threesome, smashed the angel walking me through the game, and then did some work as a big-dicked naughty plumber. Some might find it cheesy, but I like the way they work a lot of classic porn scenarios into the game. This seems like a natural and maybe obligatory result of using porno pics, but it’s going to appeal to folks who love those genres of video smut.
I do wish they’d included some actual videos instead of just stills, but it’s certainly no dealbreaker. It’s worth noting that PornstarHarem is brand new, so some details and quirks are still being ironed out. I played the game in two different browsers, and ran into the same little glitches in both. I couldn’t get sound working, even after flipping it on and off in the settings. I was also sometimes treated to mysterious text on the screen reading, “This pic doesn’t exist in cache path_portraits.” As far as I could tell, though, there weren’t any missing or blank images.
The flaws are really minor, and given the source, I fully expect them to be fixed in the near future. These guys created one of the best free-to-play hentai games out there, and PornstarHarem is a very similar masturbatory excursion. The biggest difference is that the X-rated anime of HentaiHeroes has been swapped out here for real-life porn photos. The gameplay itself is almost identical.
The longer you play PornstarHarem.com, the more there is to do and see, even if you’re not buying anything. That just might kill your productivity for the rest of the week if you fall under the game’s spell, not to mention the havoc semen will wreak on your keyboard. I’d recommend this one to anybody who enjoyed HentaiHeroes, especially if you prefer real pornstars to the big-eyed girls of hentai. Even if you haven’t played the original, or any porn games for that matter, this one’s easily accessible, engaging, and easy to jack off to while you’re playing.