Believe it or not, Itch.io has a ton of free NSFW games for the gamers out there who also happen to be perverts. I know, I know--it’s a pretty big overlap, right? When you live in mom’s basement, playing Pokemon and getting fat off frozen pizzas, it sometimes gets hard to find a real girl to touch your dingdong and twiddle your joystick. I guess it’s a good thing they make those waifu pillows, and it’s a good thing you’ve got me to help you find all the good porn games.
Itch.io is a marketplace for independent video games, which you already know if you’ve ever been one of the site’s twenty-million monthly visitors. As you probably already know as well, your old friend ThePornDude ain’t necessarily interested in the SFW platformers and family-friendly RPGs the nerds are hawking to kids and man-children. Today, I’m checking out the nearly 5,000-strong collection of free NSFW video games. Hit my link if you’d like to follow along at home or at the local coffee shop. Don’t let the baristas catch you jacking off again!
Every Video Game Genre, Plus Boobies
Itch.io has been around for about a decade, and you know what? For the longest time, I was pretty sure they specialized in just porn games. It came as kind of a shock to me they also had stuff for all ages, because I had previously only known the joint from games like Mating Season. That Akabur classic remains the pinnacle of games where all of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles rape April O’Neil, and yeah, it’s still available at Itch.
Admittedly, their overall format has improved over the years. It’s now way easier to browse the complete selection, with many filters in the sidebar to help you narrow down your choice of interactive masturbatory entertainment. (Or non-masturbatory entertainment, if you’d prefer that. I don’t.) It used to be more challenging to find something good if you didn’t have somebody pointing you in the right direction.
One of the things you’ll notice immediately is how clean and sleek the layout is. With the crisp icons and basic color scheme, the presentation reminds me a lot of YouTube. Of course, YouTube has different content policies, but I think I like the ones here better. The thumbnails already show a rich range of perversion, from grim reaper hentai sluts with huge boobs to CG Latinas with bubble butts to hand-drawn furry bitches with tails and shapely bodies that make me question my sexuality. Why is my penis hard for a cat/human hybrid?
My point is, there’s an incredible range of free NSFW games at Itch. They’ve got porn versions of just about every game genre, and games based on just about every porn genre. With over 5,000 games, I bet many of you will start playing with those filters as soon as you land. Then again, between social distancing and unemployment, what else have you got to do?
What’s Your Platform, What’s Your Kink?
If you have a hard time with Netflix or never know which Gamefly disc to send back, the choices might be overwhelming. Where to start? Well, the first filter in the sidebar lets you choose your platform. Itch.io has porn games for every major platform, so you can beat off to downloadable games on Windows, Mac, Linux, Android or iOS, plus a hearty selection of web-based browser games.
I definitely prefer the downloadable games when I’m in the mood to settle in with a nice, long visual novel about incest or a smutty RPG. For review purposes, it seemed easier to delve into the site’s web games this morning since I can play them instantly without fucking around with installation or anything. That still leaves a ton of games to choose from: 1,561 as of this writing.
Oh, and it’s worth noting that new porn games are added to Itch.io almost every day. Another one of those filters lets you peruse by upload date. Today alone, game creators added a visual novel about having a girl bully for a lover and a monster porn card game. Dozens have been added in the past week.
The Genre filters break down the collection into all the expected game styles. Crank it to action games, live vicariously through a porn Adventure game or rack your brain while masturbating with a Puzzle game. There are porn Platformers and sex Simulators, perverted RPGs and even some X-rated rhythm games to see if your fapping is as even as you think it is.
There’s also a couple of rows of popular tags at the top of the listings, letting you skip to pickings like Erotic, 2D, Text-based, Furry or Fantasy. There’s an Anime tag for the horny otakus and an LGBT tag for the queers, so everyone is covered. Hell, your mom can come click the Romance button for a more interactive diddle-fest than those shirtless muscleman books she likes.
One filter I wasn’t expecting, but I really like lets you choose games by Average Session Length. They start at just a few seconds for those of you just looking to get a quick boner when the boss steps out, to days or more for when the old coot goes on vacation. With just a couple of clicks, I dialed in my preferences for the day: free, web-based, and good for a few minutes of spanky fun.
Gaming with One Free Hand
Once I dialed in my platform and session length, I was still faced with around 500 games to choose from. Like most sites these days, Itch lets you filter your search results by Popularity, Newness and Rating. By default, you see the stuff people are really crazy about, which is always a good place to start.
I clicked on a platformer in the top row called Weinende Rose, with a thumbnail showing a naked cat lady being groped by tentacles. After a quick Adults-Only warning, a Start button appeared and I was able to get right into it. There’s also a Windows version to download if I feel like I need a copy on my machine.
It’s a pretty solidly made platformer, which helps explain why it’s so popular on Itch right now. There’s a tutorial at the start, walking you through the keys for jumping, attacking, and whipping chains all over the place. The sprites are small but done well, with pixels in the right places to make you feel all funny in the crotch area.
Speaking of, my cat lady soon ended up in a catfight with another cat lady. There was a lot of claw swatting, pelvic thrusting, and is that squirting I see? Ah, the magic of old-school pixel graphics. You old fuckers in the audience are going to remember the good old days of jacking off to Super Nintendo, only you don’t have to convince your mom to go buy you the game at Walmart. Just ask her to go pick up some Mountain Dew and Cheetos while you enjoy this free porn game.
But Where’s the Spam and Gacha?
If you play a fair amount of free sex games, you know that many of the online archives are absolute minefields of fucking spam. Itch.io works on a different business model, making the bulk of their change off a cut of the royalties for the non-free games. I didn’t have any spam at all during my visit, even after turning off my adblocker halfway through my review just to see for sure.
It’s hard not to see huge similarities between Itch.io and Nutaku, another largely spam-free site with a big archive of “free” games. Besides the more diverse selection of anime and non-anime games at Itch, the biggest noticeable difference is the payment model. Nutaku games tend to be free-to-play, but designed to sell you a fucking ton of gacha along the way. The free Itch games, on the other hand, are free without those annoying in-app purchases.
It’s legitimately hard to find anything to complain about the NSFW games at Itch; they’ve got a gargantuan collection of porn games by indie developers, and you get your rocks off for free. The biggest drawback is that you’re going to have trouble deciding where to start with so many games. Oh, and your productivity is totally fucked. Keep that in mind before you lose yourself in another long visual novel about furries and monster sex.