Hola! I just wanted to say Hi, en español because I’m in international pervert. I crank it to American porn sites, Latin American porn sites, Asian sites and even African sites. Incidentally, if you like beating off to porn sites worldwide, a VPN service like Hola could really help make that easier, more secure, and potentially even cheaper.
Honestly, that’s just touching the surface of what Hola.org has to offer. They market themselves as a fast, effective and free VPN, which almost sounds too good to be true. I was ready to call bullshit and label them a scam, but they’ve got 4.9 stars in the Chrome Web Store and over 200 million members. That tells me there’s at least something to their claims, so without further ado, let’s see if they really live up to the hype.
WTF is a Virtual Private Network?
Hola is a free VPN, which might have some of you fuckers taking your hands off your dick for a second to scratch your head. What the fuck is a VPN? Also known as a Virtual Private Network, they’re a service that helps you surf the net anonymously and securely
, which comes with some additional benefits we’ll get to shortly.
Typically, when you use the Internet, your internet service provider (ISP) assigns you a unique IP address that every website you visit can use to identify you. It ain’t just websites, either. I’m sure a lot of you have noticed ads popping up on your phone minutes after you mentioned the advertised products out loud, whether they’re blue jeans or that lube that numbs your butthole, so it doesn’t hurt as bad. That’s because apps listen to you, and so does your ISP. Your personal data, like your preferences for sushi and foot fetish porn, is valuable stuff that companies are always trying to collect and sell to advertisers.
Hola.org’s VPN works kind of like those underground tunnels they use to smuggle drugs. All of your traffic will be funneled through a secure pipeline between you and whatever websites you want to visit. Comcast won’t be able to see what you’re doing online anymore, and neither will the spyware apps or the sites you’re visiting. Instead of seeing your unique IP address, they’ll just see that the VPN had visited.
Even without getting into the other benefits of Hola, it’s easy to see how this would be a major boost for your security and privacy. I’m focusing this review on using Hola to jack off, but geeks recommend a good VPN for anybody who ever needs to use a public wifi network. Even if you’re just doing SFW homework at the coffee shop, Hola can help protect you from malicious hackers as well as the snooping eyes of Google and Facebook.
Jerking Off to Banned Content Through a VPN
Of course, most people don’t visit ThePornDude looking for computer security advice. They come here looking for help maximizing their self-pleasure during their alone time or when nobody’s paying attention at the office. In that case, wait until you hear about how Hola.org can help you unblock banned content
Let’s go back to my coffee shop example. Let’s say that homework you’re doing just happens to be an essay about world-famous porn starlet Abella Danger’s beautiful round ass. You try to pull up a couple of her videos on Pornhub and run into a problem: the coffee shop has installed a content blocker on their router, so all you get is a message thanking you for buying a scone but essentially calling you a pervert.
That’s actually the scenario that made me look into VPNs in the first place. It can be difficult to do my work in a #MeToo world where baristas don’t want you fap-testing anal creampie porn at the counter, even if it’s literally your job. With Hola.org pushing your traffic through their secret tube, the coffee shop machine won’t be able to tell what you’re doing and won’t be able to stop you from doing it.
Coffee shops are small potatoes, too. All you’re really risking there is getting the bum’s rush, unless they’ve already taken out no-trespass order like the place down the street. A VPN’s Internet-unlocking power can also be used to visit sites blocked at work, or even by the massive firewalls of countries who frown upon the glory of naked ladies getting boned on camera.
Locked by Region? Not Anymore!
Sometimes you can’t see the porn you want because your mom, boss, barista, or government don’t want you to watch it. In those cases, Hola.org can help you out much better than one of those shitty free proxy services. Sometimes you can’t see the porn you want because the site itself has locked it for users in certain geographic regions. A VPN can help you in this case, too.
Hola has servers all around the world. You’ll usually connect to a close one for the fastest service, but you can also choose one to surf the web from that country. For example, some JAV sites only allow Japanese customers. With Hola, you could browse the site from a VPN server in Japan and see the whole thing just fine. The same thing goes for services like Netflix, who often license TV shows and movies for specific countries.
Another benefit of using international VPN servers is to take advantage of international pricing. Steam recently did their best to patch a loophole that let first-world customers buy games at third-world rates by using a VPN. You can use Hola to score cheaper rates from some adult paysites and other online content.
How the Fuck is This All Free?
Getting started with Hola.org is easy as hell. Click the Get Hola button and they’ll hook you up with a download and a browser plugin in a matter of seconds. Their service is compatible with just about anything that connects to the Internet
. They’ve got apps and plugins for browsers like Chrome and Firefox, operation systems like Apple, Windows and Linux, not to mention offerings for Xbox, Playstation, your smart TVs and router.
The thing is, right before they send you to the downloads, they tell you about the catch. Free users have to share a small amount of their bandwidth, about a hundred megabytes a day. That’s not so bad, but some of the other limitations of the free version suck.
Free Hola users are limited to 1 connected device at a time, and can only use a limited amount of data per day. Video streaming is limited to SD, you only get access to a third of their servers, and support is limited to reading the FAQ. Worst of all, free users miss out on high-end security, encryption and privacy. As an extra fuck-you, cheapskates don’t even qualify for Hola.org’s No Logs policy.
To unlock this VPN’s full power, you’ll have to subscribe to their Premium or Ultra service. Both tiers offer significant advantages over the free plan, from unlimited browsing and more servers, to full 4k video streaming, to that advanced security you’re looking for.
Hola Premium starts at three bucks a month, but only if you spring for a three-year plan, while Hola Ultra will run you eight bones a month for the same plan. The month-to-month rates are a few bucks higher than some of their competitors, so I’d recommend the yearly plan, which is half that. In any case, they’ve got a 30-day money-back guarantee, so you can find out for sure if you like it.
There’s also a pretty sizable student discount if you’re looking for some extra security while you beat off in your dorm room. All you have to do is verify your student status and you get the three-year price without having to sign up for three years.
Hola.org offers a legitimately free VPN that can help unlock and unblock much of the Internet, making it a good option for cheapskates looking to whip up some personal mayonnaise on company time or while drinking their morning latte at Starbucks. If you’re looking for the high security and anonymity associated with VPNs, however, you’ll need to purchase a premium plan. With 1,500 servers distributed around the globe, they’re truly a world-class VPN.