VintageClassicPorn isn’t just for grandpas, porn historians and dapper lads in crotchless zoot suits. It’s arguably for anyone who wants to jack off. While there’s no shortage of modern, ultra-HD premium teen flicks and VR gangbangs that drop you right into the action, pornography doesn’t have to be that complicated; if it makes your dick hard, it’s good smut. The retro stuff that’s still around has stood the test of time, inspiring fap fantasies for generations.
VintageClassicPorn.com tells you in the name exactly what kind of smut they’re peddling. These are classic nudes, historic stag films and vintage dirty movies from the ‘20s to the ‘80s. Back in school, I used to skip history class to beat off in the library. I’m at my local library now, and I really hope they don’t call the police again as I enjoy this educational session on photography, cinematography, and human sexuality throughout the last century.
An Archive of Vintage Classic Porn
While their collection spans back a hundred years, the VintageClassicPorn website is only a 2015 vintage. You can tell right away that this was never a big-budget affair, as the overall presentation is modest even by the standards of five years ago. I don’t mean that as a burn, just that the site has a whole hell of a lot less sparkle and flash that a big studio production. There’s something welcoming about the lo-fi approach, like the dirty uncle your mom warned you about inviting you to browse his personal library he’s amassed over the years.
Despite the age of the content, this is still a star-studded affair featuring the pornstars of yesteryear. You don’t even have to be a scholar of the pornographic arts to recognize some of these giants of erotic cinema. Classic babes like Hyapatia Lee, Annette Haven, Little Oral Annie and Seka grace the landing page, as do legendary porn cocks like John Holmes and the recently embattled Ron Jeremy. The dude was never particularly handsome by any measure, but didn’t always look like the long lost alcoholic Super Mario brother.
It’s hard to imagine your great-grandma was ever a cock-gobbling whore. We always look at older generations like they’re prudes and have always been that way. While it’s true that society has grown far more accepting of such things as casual sex and nudity, lesbianism and fucking whole rooms full of friends, people have always been horny and oft willing to act on their urges, even on camera. VintageClassicPorn includes some truly hardcore smut from the olden days.
There are rows of sepia-toned classy nudes stretched across the tour page, which is what many people picture when they think of Vintage Classic Porn, along with big-titty ‘50s MILFs in lingerie. What some of you may not be expecting is the vintage pussy licking from the twenties and black-and-white blowjobs from the thirties. They’ve clearly dug into some archives to find these rare gems of historic filth.
The VintageClassicPorn.com archives run from the early ‘20s up until the ‘80s. They offer a legitimate sociological sideview of society’s attitudes toward sex and film, not to mention the trends in pubic hair maintenance. I clicked the “Play” button on a video thumbnail from the sixties, hoping for a better look at this big-haired broad licking a dick. They may peddle classic smut, but they’re pulling the modern paysite trick of sending you to the signup page when you think you’re getting a free video preview.
Cranking It to the Oldies
A standard 30-day membership at Vintage Classic Porn will run you twenty euros, which is about a third less than you’d typically pay for a paysite full of modern porno. You can also score a significant discount if you’re willing to spring for 90-days or a full year of cranking it to the oldies.
One of the biggest factors I consider when I sign up for a paysite is how often they update. You expect a good studio to bang out at least one new scene or movie per week. It’s understood that as part of your exchange, they’re going to spend some of your money creating new material. It’s a little different on a site like VintageClassicPorn, because the photos were taken and film shot decades ago. They’re constantly on the hunt for vintage porn, which they add to the collection daily. In some sense, they have a leg up on the studios, who see their productions hampered by the pandemic in many cases.
Some stats out front get more specific about what you’re paying for. Right now, the stash contains over 4,300 vintage porn videos and almost 175,000 retro sex photos—what a relief. Ever since Costco stopped selling bulk cases of vintage X-rated DVDs, I’d been worrying I’d never find a new source.
They also sweeten the deal even more by including four bonus sites with your VintageClassicPorn.com membership. The caption is actually mislabeled, so you can see the 5-for-1 deal was upgraded from a 3-for-1 at some point. With any luck, they’ll add even more bonus fuck flicks and vintage pics. The current ticket includes Rodox, RetroRaw, Pornstar Classics and Color Climax.
But Wait, There’s Even More?
There were some more surprises once I got signed up and logged in. The member’s link drops you off at the main member’s page at RetroRaw/RetroNetwork. There’s no apparent differentiation between the VintageClassicPorn.com material and those other “bonus” retro sites. Instead, I’ve got rows of the latest Photo and Video Updates, as well as the Latest Network Videos.
It turns out that network is way fucking bigger than the handful of retro sites they mention on the tour page. I clicked the link to Watch All Network Updates and got sent to the SecretFriends video portal. There’s a Studios dropdown on that page that lists dozens of studios and paysites included. Color Climax, VintageClassicPorn and the other expected retro sites are there, as are more modern operations like VRTeenrs, Cuckoldest, Plumperd, and YoungBusty. It’s a lovely range of material, both new and old.
Of course, I’m here for that vintage smut, so I clicked the VintageClassicPorn. Interestingly, the digits beside the studio name in the dropdown tell me there are only 446 movies filmed in this area. It looks like those tour page numbers are a little jumbled and unclear, but overall, you do end up with an absolute shit-ton of masturbatory entertainment.
Once I got to the Vintage Classic Porn area on SecretFriends, I noticed the upload dates on all those grainy blowjobs and classic orgies were nearly a decade old. If you’re after the retro stuff, I guess you’re better off staying on the RetroRaw page instead of clicking through to all the network updates. I believe that page mixes the updates from their vintage porn brands, though I’m not 100% positive of that. It’s a confusing setup.
Girls Fucking Before You Were Born
It may be something of a pornographic labyrinth, but it’s not so bad getting lost when there’s dirty movies and obscene photos everywhere. I browsed through their latest photo updates of classic teenage sex and vintage swinger threesomes before making my way to the newest old films.
I picked a good one to start. It’s an hour-long Color Climax flick with a couple of cute Danish chicks double-teaming on some lucky dude. The video is obviously pretty goddamn grainy by today’s standards, but it’s definitely clear enough for a good wank. The girls stroke and suck his cock while he moans over a soundtrack straight out of an old-timey gameshow.
My biggest complaint about VintageClassicPorn isn’t the confusing setup. It’s the lack of genre tags you find on almost every other porn site. The more modern stuff on the network is tagged well, but it’s scattershot at best on the actual Vintage Classic Porn. If you’re looking for specific material, it may take a lot of digging since you can’t just use a search bar.
VintageClassicPorn.com is a vintage sex site with some interesting quirks. You certainly get a killer bang for your buck, with multiple well-stocked retro sites on top of a full-fledged porn network membership with a little of everything. The organization is lacking and the overall setup is more than a little confusing, but they make up for the inconvenience with the sheer volume of XXX content they throw at their members. This seems like a good membership option for porn fans who love it all, including those classic beauties and vintage sluts.