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ScoreClassics has a name that sets you up for something big. The “Classics” part lets you know you’re about to see some legendary shit, the kind of shit that has stood the test of time and is still talked about years or decades later. The “Score” part tells us we’re going to see somebody win big. It might be your favorite basketball team back in the ‘70s, but let’s be real, you’re reading this on ThePornDude. That big winning isn’t a sports thing, a video game tournament or a gambling problem; when I talk about scoring, I’m talking about sex.
True to its name, ScoreClassics.com is an archive of big-titty retro smut. The Score Group has been shooting movies starring the hottest chicks with the hugest racks in the world for nearly 30 years now, so naturally, they’ve got a nice back catalog they still love sharing with the rest of the class. If you love giant boobies and have an appreciation for vintage sex films, I have a feeling this is going to get you all hard and drippy.
The True Classics of ScoringThe ScoreClassics.com domain was registered in 2015, so this particular site hasn’t been around for The Score Group’s full run. It’d be stupid to slap “Classics” into the name if the company just started, but then again, it’d be a good marketing gimmick. This is no simple gimmick, though, as they really have been putting out big-bust pornos for a few decades. If you’re interested in their current work, check out my review of Scoreland.com, their current smut site.
They start talking up the product right from the landing page, saying shit like, “Watch the legends before they were legends!” The page itself has an old-school VHS vibe with its light text and vintage typography. A couple of classic MILFs, Alexis Love and Carol Brown, expose their huge fucking jugs as an example of those legends.
Score Classics includes some truly legendary big-titty pornstars. They’ve got retro starlets like Devon Daniels, Jeannine Oldfield and Cathy Patrick. They’ve got a lot of Erica Everest’s old work, plus Louise Montgomery, SaRenna and Debbie Ashby. Some of you old motherfuckers might remember beating off to these ladies back in the day, while you younger perverts can experience the same erotic thrills your parents and grandparents did.
One of the gimmicks around here is raw, uncut pornos from the ‘80s and ‘90s. There’s a blurb About Score Classics on the tour page that gives a little background on their concept. The old tapes released back in the day had been chopped to pieces, filtered, the old audio often destroyed or buried under wow-chicka-bow-wow soundtracks. The movies on this site are direct rips from old UMatic and Beta tapes, including all the bloopers and retakes that were cut out of the original releases. You’ll hear the photographers talking and the background chatter, and see all kinds of shit that nobody has ever seen outside of the studios and editing floors.
Cheaper Than a VHS CollectionI’ve been thinking a lot about porn prices lately, and how they’ve really come down over the years. If you had a big-bust fetish a few decades ago, it would have costed a fucking fortune to build a collection. You’d need a lot of space under your bed or in your closet, because all those big-ass plastic tapes took up a ton of space. Whenever you needed to re-up, you’d have to hit the smelly store on the sketchy side of town, hoping not to get shanked by a crackhead.
These days, porn is instantly accessible from anywhere and it’s cheap as hell. Most sites charge the exact same amount; paysites usually cost $30, because that’s what people are willing to pay. ScoreClassics.com is offering classic porno, but they aren’t ripping you off with those classic VHS prices. The standard one-month recurring price is only $20, cheaper than most sites, though it’s $30 if you want a non-recurring membership. They also offer various countdown deals when you first load up the page, so you can save even more off the regular rate.
(Here’s a tip: instead of shelling out more for a non-recurring membership anywhere, just remember to cancel your membership! Most sites let you keep your remaining membership days, so it usually doesn’t matter when in the cycle you cancel. Just check the fine print before you pull the trigger.)
One of the big differences between modern and classic porno is the issue of ownership. In the old days, you straight-up bought your porno and brought it home with you to keep forever. These days, it’s common for paysites to offer streaming-only access or charging extra for members who want to save anything. Score Classics keeps it classic by including downloads in the regular price. Nice!
The Score Group have been peddling smut for decades, so they really know what they’re doing. One of their best tricks is throwing in guest access to all their porn sites with your ScoreClassics membership. It’s meant to entice you into buying further memberships, which they’ll give you at a discount, but cheapskates will appreciate all the free porn you get out of the deal. Their whole network has a big-titty theme, so look forward to erotic adventures from sites like Black and Stacked, Crystal Gunn’s World and Busty Dannie Ashe.
Hundreds of Galleries and Vintage PornosI usually kind of ignore the photo galleries on premium sites, because they usually ain’t much to write home about. Speaking as a professional porn reviewer, it’s obvious that a lot of paysites just use those galleries to inflate their content numbers out on the tour page. Nobody really gives a fuck about your thousands of photos if they’re just automatically generated screengrabs from the video.
Score Classics is different. Instead of the usual yawn-inducing screencaps, they’re showcasing hundreds of vintage nude photoshoots of voluptuous babes. They’re nice, thick photo sets, too, sometimes running upwards of 100 pictures per gallery. If you appreciate classic naked photography, you’re going to enjoy the library here.
I know a lot of you modern fuckers skip the photos, and that’s fine. ScoreClassics also has a few hundred retro videos in their archives. It’s a nice, kinky mix of perversion, too. The newest videos added to the site include big-haired, big-boobed lesbians banging each other with strap-ons, giant-jugged babes riding cock in the bathtub, and a couple of solo masturbation shows. Scoreland, their modern site, mostly deals in solo material, so I’m happy to see a heavier ratio of couples having hardcore sex.
I think porn fans worry about how much new content they’re going to get on any premium site, but the issue’s more complicated on a retro site. If the smut’s already old, how can they keep adding new stuff? Well, maybe they have a vault they’re slowly unpacking or perhaps they’re just withholding boobies, but either way, Score Classics is frequently updated with “new” vintage porn. Members can expect a fresh movie and a couple of galleries every week.
A Time Machine to the Big-Tit Old DaysThe other day, they updated the Score Classics library with a half-hour retro porno called Angelique and Natalia: Big-Boob Health Care. You can hear the cameraman directing the action in the opening seconds, followed by a blooper where one big-racked nurse starts laughing instead of checking her patient’s temperature. Most porn sites don’t give you such a candid look at the setup, and I appreciate the way it segues from giggly practice and banter into the main event.
These chicks have huge hair and even huger tatas. I sometimes wonder if women with big boobs lose their natural appreciation of the anatomy, but that doesn’t seem to be the case here. Both broads are eager to feel up, grope, lick and suck on each other’s monster tits. The pussy eating begins a few minutes later, and the dildos come out around the halfway mark.
My only complaint about Score Classics isn’t really a complaint about the site and more of an observation about classic porno. Having grown used to the crisp clarity of HD, the graininess of the film looks pretty lo-fi. While it’s going to turn off some modern consumers, it’s part of the appeal of vintage smut.
ScoreClassics.com is an easy site to recommend to vintage porn fans who love big titties, as well as huge breast enthusiasts who also have an appreciation for classic cinema. The website absolutely delivers on their front-page promise, serving up hundreds of raw, uncut retro movies starring history’s most well-endowed video whores. The content and low price are reason enough to subscribe, with a nice selection of bonus material to sweeten the deal.
- Raw, uncut video from the ‘80s and ‘90s
- Classic big-titty pornstars
- Hundreds of vintage photo galleries
- Downloads included
- Weekly updates
- Guest access to network sites
- Low price
- Retro video resolution