Reddit Sex, aka r/Sex! Here we go, the man himself finally gets to have a sit down with you and discuss the birds and the bees. Ever since the very first man accidentally stuck his penis inside a woman’s vagina and discovered that it felt a lot more interesting than sticking that thing inside tree-holes, humanity has known about the world of sexual interactions. I know what you’re thinking – there was no first man, we evolved from monkeys. Well, you’re completely wrong. We evolved from apes, but that’s not the point of this article.
No, today we’ll be discussing /r/sex, Reddit’s answer to the need for a one-stop-shop for free sex advice, confessions, conversations, and general banter. Everything sex is welcome on this subreddit and it is easily one of the most important subs I can think of. However, most of the browsing on /r/sex goes on two-handed, as in, you’re not here to pleasure yourself, you’re here to learn. Now, I know what you’re thinking: ThePornDude’s glasses have finally seeped through his scalp and turned him into a nerd. They haven’t, I’m fine. Pipe down and check out the amazing world of /r/sex, because I think you have a lot to learn and much like myself, they’re handing out wisdom for free.
Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby
Even your average five-year-old these days can tell you that the penis goes in the vagina and eventually a baby comes out and then you have to hire an expensive lawyer to get out of paying child support. And, the reason that five-year-olds know this crap is because their parents let them explore the internet unsupervised and they get their sexual education from perverts like myself.
My website is 100% adult-only, people. Keep your kids away from smut. Sexual education starts in the home. You can’t depend on schools to teach them. I had one of those condom-on-banana scenes back in home economics class and I didn’t learn anything other than that my dick was bigger than the banana. At least it made me feel good about myself.
But I never really learned about sex until I got into it myself and did my own research. But not everyone grows up to be a porn god. Some people, hell, most people coast through life not knowing the first thing about sexual interactions. Going into a sexual relationship with nothing but “penis in vagina” in mind is like trying to land a jet liner with no piloting experience and a vague intention to “aim for the airport”. You’d cause a national incident if you tried that shit.
That’s why adults these days are completely dumbfounded when it comes to having sex the right way. They’ve seen a lot of triple-A porn scenes and they think they’re set for life. So for the men in the audience, if you’re thinking that the key to satisfying a woman is to plow her asshole for 30 minutes straight without water breaks, boy are you in for a surprise. And for the women, if your idea of satisfying your man is lying on your back in a starfish position and screaming “take me, do whatever you want to me”, well… Let’s just say that if you said that to me, I’d call you a cab and kick you out of my house quicker than it would take for my boner to die down.
Real sex is a lot more complicated than the stuff you see in porn videos, but it’s also a lot smoother. What I mean by that is, the sex you see in porn is mechanical. Quick, think back to the last penetration scene you saw on a porn tube. Was the guy oddly reminiscent of a jackhammer? He was, wasn’t he? See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. The whole move back and forth until cum shoots out doesn’t work in real life. I mean yeah, if you’re a guy you can pretty much get to the finish line no matter what you do, but that’s not the point. You should be having sex the right way; the blow everyone’s mind way. And if you want to master your boudoir skillset, I’m afraid I can’t help you. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m an absolute master. The problem is, my main job is to find and aggregate porn for you. I simply don’t have the time to have a sit down with you and show you how to find the clitoris on a star chart. You’ll have to feel around for yourself. Fortunately for you, however, /r/sex is here to help you get to the bottom of every girl-problem and get to the bottom of every girl.
The Real Sex-Ed Class
/r/sex reads like some sort of confessions section in a local newspaper at first glance, but there’s more to it than that. First of all, you need to realize that this is an absolute safe space where you can ask about anything and everything you can think of. There’s no genres, no niches and no fetishes that are out of the question. Everyone here is on the same page – the priority is your and your partner’s wellbeing. And if you have multiple partners there will be no judgment, regardless.
The general idea is that this is a place that’s both here to help you out, but also to document all the help that’s ever been handed out before. Reddit is a public forum where you essentially shout out your sexual mysteries into the void and the void shouts back with a ton of input. That means this place is also a library of wisdom. As much as I pride myself on being the best-versed sex god in the universe, even I can’t compete with the combined wisdom of the entire rest of the world. So if there’s something you can’t learn from me, chances are you’ll find it on /r/sex.
Venturing into the Unknown
The reason I love /r/sex is that beyond just helping you find the exact longitude and latitude of the modern clitoris on an updated globe, they’ll also give you insight into things that I couldn’t possibly talk to you about. Yes, I know everything about the female body and yes I know how you can satisfy a man because I know what I’d enjoy done to me, but what if you’re into fart porn? What if you enjoy inserting random objects into your rectum? You’re kind of shit out of luck if you think I’m going to help in that department. Sure, I can direct you to the nearest anal insertion and fart fetishism porn tube, but I’ve personally never done any of that stuff. You need to talk to someone whose rectum has seen some shit – no pun intended.
Because /r/sex has over a million active members and thousands of people online at a time, you can find any kind of sex freak on this sub at any time. Hell, you can even find tons of people who are into diehard abstinence, if that’s your thing. The idea behind the sub is that sex is an objective reality of our world and you need to have the inside scoop on any aspect of the tantric arts. So there’s no general trend or preference. They’re not going to tell you to wear a condom, but they’ll damn sure warn you about the dangers of going commando. They won’t advise you against cuckoldry, but they will give you firsthand testimonials on what it feels like to see your wife being dicked in front of you.
At the end of the day, you make your own sacrifices and suffer your own consequences. I know I’m being a bit dramatic, but you’ll see a ton of people here who are worried out of their minds that they might be doing something wrong. They all seem to have some feeling of shame and fear. I get that sex is not a small matter, it’s pretty important and still very taboo in mainstream spaces. It’s great that /r/sex is here to remind people that no matter what they’re into, they’re still very much normal and there’s nothing to worry about. Then, they supply with some detailed insight so that you can make damn sure you know everything you need to know in order to have a healthy sex life and a ton of understanding of how things work in this crazy world.
Let me just be perfectly clear – this is not a smut sub. This is the sub you go to in between smut in order to gain a better understanding of how the gears turn. The world of sex is full of mystery, and sometimes you need a group of wise sages to come to the rescue with information, advice and a gentle reminder that everything is going to be all right.