Nubiles ET! For the longest time, I avoided watching The Handmaid’s Tale because I heard it was some kind of science-fiction dystopia based around #MeToo. After spending the last week jerking off to Hulu, all I’ve got to say is Me Too! Holy fuck, if I had known it was about a world with designated fuck slaves, I would have started watching a long time ago. When I found out NubilesET has their own porno parody of the series, I knew I needed to take a look.
NubilesET.com is a brand fucking new site, putting its legs on the ground in May 2019. It’s only been a couple of short months, but the site has already been earning some attention for its hot sluts in scandalous situations based on your TV masturbatory fantasies. I’m a huge pervert who gets a ton of mileage out of primetime dramas, so I’m really eager to see sexed-up versions of the same characters.
Starring Sabrina the Teenage Pornstar Slut
The modern version of Sabrina the teenage witch is grittier and sexier than she was in the nineties. It’s still basically a kid show, though, so sometimes I feel a little weird after a marathon wank session to her chilling adventures. I bet it’s a common fantasy, because NubilesET has two parody episodes based on the supernatural horror show that they advertise loudly on the landing page.
Scrolling down the screen, I see a fake episode of My Strange Addiction where the addiction is uncontrollable orgasms. There are teen sex Archie parodies and a few porn stars in Disney Princess lingerie. Their version of Sister Wives shows the parts you wanted to see but couldn’t on the tube, and the taboo is a hell of a lot more explicit in their version of Game of Thrones.
I thought this site was called Nubile Set. You know, like a bunch of hot, young sexy 18+ bitches, the kind they’ve got starring as nymphomaniac versions of Khaleesi, Offred, Snow White, and both Betty and Veronica. It turns out to be an acronym instead. The E in NubilesET stands for Enter, and the T stands for Tainment. Get it? Nubiles Entertainment. Ta-da!
Is It All That and a Bag of Tits?
Goddamn, I hate those fake Play buttons that you find on the preview page for every paysite these days. It seems like the standard thing now. Instead of watching Jon Snow find out what dragon mother cunt tastes like, the sideways triangle icon brings me to a sign-up page. Whatever happened to free samples?
A 30-day membership for NubilesET is 30 bucks, just like it is almost everywhere else. As per usual, you can save money in the long run if you make a commitment to jerking off to their premium parody pornos for a while.
I’m always hesitant to sign up for a new site, because I don’t want to run out of stuff to shake my cock at. Younger porn sites tend to have smaller archives, and that is the case here. NubilesET currently only has 17 episodes.
On the other hand, this one’s part of the Nubiles Porn network. A membership actually earns you unlimited streaming and downloading on 17 different paysites. It looks like we have a magic number today aside from the usual 69. NubilesET updates about once per week, but you’ll end up with a lot more stretched across sites like StepSiblingsCaughts, BadTeensPunished and MyFamilyPies.
Like Masturbating to TV, Only with More Sex
Once you get logged in, the default members view shows you all the movies on the network. Hit the Series button to choose only the NubilesET movies if you’re in the mood for parody smut today. Thumbnails give you a taste of the action in each scene. Handmaidens Jezebel features restrained cunnilingus. The screen grab for Anal Addiction shows Mandy Muse with a dick up her ass. Is she struggling with an incessant need to get her butt pounded or is it the dude trying to kick his shit-packing habit?
I laughed so hard I spilled lube all over my lap when I saw they had a parody version of To Catch a Predator. The TV version always ends with the predator blue-balled and terrified, but in this one, he nearly splits the tiny little slut in half with his giant dick.
I take it as a good sign if I’m not sure which movie to jerk off to first. They’ve got a lot of names, faces and twats that you’ll recognize. Carolina Sweets, Jane Wilde and Mackenzie Moss have all done recent parody flicks for NubilesET. I’ve been a huge fan of Gianna Dior for a while, so now I had to see her in an Archie satire called Smells Like Sex.
There’s not a lot of info on the selection page, only some basic social media stats that tell you how popular the video is with other users. Smells Like Sex has an 8.8-star rating, a bunch of likes and a handful of comments. Honestly, I knew it was good from the thumbnail, which shows Gianna’s succulent pussy peeking out from between those stunning legs.
Top Pornstars in Dirty Parody Porno
Smells Like Sex is a full-length scene running around 23 minutes. It opens with a montage showing you what happened in previous episodes so you don’t get lost. Like TV Archie, there’s some teenage drama between Betty, Veronica and our main dude, only here it plays out with a lot of hardcore sex. I guess the last one ended with Betty getting creampied and telling Archie that BTW, Veronica is locked in the sauna.
She’s weak, but seems neither sweaty nor dehydrated as Archie carries her to safety. She immediately starts to thank him with a blowjob, but catches the taste of Betty’s cunt on it. Nice storytelling! And great casting, too. Who better to gag on that giant dingdong than the illustrious Gianna Dior? That babe really knows how to swallow cock.
NubilesET serves up the campy style of parody versus the more realistic stuff some of the newer guys are shooting. The atmosphere is light but sexy in their movies, with easy jokes sprinkled throughout. Since they don’t have to worry about serious method acting, the sluts and studs can concern themselves with the all-important task of getting their fuck on.
Playback is smooth, enabling buffer-free viewing of doggy style penetration even maxed out at 1080p. Gianna’s skin looks absolutely fucking flawless, her body perfect, and her sexual prowess superhuman. I love how you can tell she’s really working toward that big orgasm and not just phoning it in.
The video player has speed controls so you can slow that cumshot down to quarter speed, or watch that cowgirl bouncing at double speed if you’ve been up all night smoking meth. I love watching those perky titties do their thing in slow-mo.
Multiple Orgasms Now and Plenty Left for Later
I fucking hate when paysites hit you with a download fee after you’ve already signed up, but NubilesET won’t do you like that. Downloads from all sites are included with the membership price, and MP4s are available in half a dozen sizes. Saving TV parody threesome films to your hard drive is a good way to avoid that pesky Wi-Fi fee when you’re jacking off on the airplane.
The membership package at NubilesET is pretty fucking solid. You get regular updates of HD sex parodies with high production values and hot porn sluts, and it doesn’t cost any more than your typical premium site. The one downside is that the current archive of parody movies ain’t that deep. For most perverts, that downside will be greatly outweighed by the wide network access you get with that membership.
TV fans looking for pornographic versions of their evening viewing standards will be in for a treat at NubilesET, as will anyone looking for hardcore perversion dressed up as lighthearted parodies. The standards are high, the price is right, and you actually get 17 different paysites when you sign up. Sure, it’s a little more than Netflix, but it’s a hell of a lot easier to watch while humping your hand.