Heard any good Crack Whore Confessions lately? I guess that might depend on if you’re the kind of guy who gets his rocks off safely to the sexy girls of the Internet or if you’re the kind of guy who risks infections and robberies getting a piece over on the sketchy part of town. Hey, I’ve been there before. Sometimes when you’re hard up, the girls who hang out around the hourly motels start looking a hell of a lot more attractive. I’ll tell you this much: they’re even sexier when it’s your fifth day being awake, your stim boner won’t go away, and you’re starting to see shadow people lurking everywhere.
There’s arguably no sexual experience like getting sucked off by a toothless chickenhead who smells like pee and garbage, but I know it’s not for everyone. Of course, most of you prefer the relative safety of your office cubicles and suburban bedrooms, but what if you’ve got a hankering for one of those sketchy bitches behind 7-11? Well, if the hands-on approach seems like too much of a gamble, you could always check out CrackWhoreConfessions.com, a premium porn site that promises real crack whores telling their secrets and showing off their talents. It’s a pretty oddball gimmick for a paysite, but these guys have been around for nearly twenty years now, so it’s a more popular niche than you might imagine.
The Safest Way to Interact with Real Crack Whores
Gather ‘round, boys and girls, because it’s storytime. This is a true tale from the archives, a little-known adventure that played out years before I became ThePornDude. You see, I was once a dumbass inexperienced teen, just like you may have been at one point. It was in this naïve state that I came upon my first crack whore, though I didn’t realize immediately what her chosen profession was. She approached me in a gas station as I was paying for my tank, asking, “Could you please give me a ride over the bridge? I’m scared to go myself.”
The fact that she kept referring to a small highway overpass with a sidewalk as a bridge should have been my first clue. Well, that and the fact that her huge titties were hanging almost entirely out of her undersized crop top, her thick ass barely hidden by what some may have considered a skirt. Silly me, I just thought she was a really drunk chick with bad teeth. “No problem,” I said. “Hop in.”
In a scene that could have played out on Crack Whore Confessions, the crack whore’s demeanor changed as soon as we pulled out of the gas station. “I’m gonna show you some shit those white boys ain’t never gonna believe,” she said, digging into her purse and pulling out one of those cheap, bright-colored condoms they give out for free at the clinics and Planned Parenthood. “Now pull your dick out!”
What do you think happened? Did I get my knob slobbed on the side of the road, or did I get called a “bum-ass motherfucker” after telling her I didn’t have any money? Sorry, folks, but this isn’t CrackWhoreConfessions, so I’m not confessing shit!
Still, I couldn’t help thinking of that incident and that crack whore as I perused the tour page. I believe them when they say they’re shooting with real, genuine, 100% legit crack whores. Even the best-looking ones still have that hit look, those rough edges that can only come from years of hard living. These bitches honestly ain’t going to appeal to most masturbators but will probably be a hit among amateur porn fans who prefer the more haggard “real” girls to the pro models pretending it’s their first time.
The First Hit’s Always Free
One of the things I like about older sites is that they often still have free previews. It’s fucking crazy to me how many of the newer sites won’t even let you get a sneak peek these days. It’s a major pet peeve of mine when the “Play” buttons out front all just lead to the sign-up page. Cheapskates have it alright at CrackWhoreConfessions.com because they’ve got some free video trailers out front.
I checked out the preview for their newest flick, Cat Tossing Tina Returns – Sick Stories From The Streets. The 69-second montage literally opens with the whore smoking crack, letting you know right away CrackWhoreConfessions isn’t just a clever title. Next, the old lady argues with the cameraman a little bit, talks about getting seduced as a teenager and her early days as a streetwalker, robbing an old guy at a laundromat, and cumming from fucking a dog. Yes, you read that right.
The literal Crack Whore Confessions take up most of the trailer, so we don’t even see Cat Tossing Tina suck a cock until the last twenty seconds. The montage shot entirely from a POV perspective gives us a taste of BJ, doggystyle, missionary, plus some up-close shots of her wet snatch.
I checked out another CrackWhoreConfessions trailer, this one featuring some chick who was on America’s Most Wanted before being captured and imprisoned. She’d been out two days when they shot the picture, and it includes some pretty fucking wild confessions before the sex kicks off. These women really do have some crazy fucking stories to tell.
I can’t help noticing how amateur the camerawork is, though. It’s grainy and looks like it was shot on VHS, and the sloppy framing is more what you’d expect from 30-second iPhone sex clips than from a premium site. Most of the amateur sites I review are considerably more polished and professional.
The Mondo Cane of Porn Paysites
I’ll be honest, though; that weird lo-fi vibe is definitely part of the appeal of Crack Whore Confessions. The whole tour page is designed to enhance the feeling of danger, with all these little warnings about just how shocking the content is. “Prepare To Scar Your Mind,” it reads, like they’re selling you some Faces of Death shit instead of something to beat off to. Truthfully, though, the content does occupy some strange, uncharted territory between hardcore amateur porn and shockumentaries. If you like your exploitation films with a little more exploitation, well, hey, I’ve got just the thing.
I made my way to the sign-up page to check out those CrackWhoreConfessions.com ticket prices. I wasn’t surprised to find out it’s thirty bucks, just like most paysites. Niche or not, this one would be a hard sell if they were charging more premium prices. One of the big perks I found on the sign-up page is that members also get access to 16+ bonus sites run by the same folks who do the Crack Whore Confessions. They’re amateur sites with a nice little range of themes and kinks, like Glory Hole Girlz, Tampa Bukkake, Ukrain Amateurs, and the titillatingly titled Electricity Play.
(There’s also supposed to be a free bumper sticker available. I’m a little bummed I couldn’t find more info about that alleged perk because I can’t think of a better way to let my neighbors know what kind of classy motherfucker I am. Well, besides the constant stream of hookers visiting day and night, I mean…)
One of the biggest things that CrackWhoreConfessions has going for it is just its longevity. Even with irregular updates, they’ve had a lot of time to build up that collection. Without even dipping into all that bonus content on all the other included sites, you’re looking at hundreds of videos of crack whores doing their thing. Pornhub may have a ton of crack whores, but you can never be sure because they aren’t burning the glass dick on camera. There’s no guesswork here because the broads get high before they get fucked.
The whole time I was reviewing this site, I kept wondering who I’d recommend it to. This site definitely isn’t for every masturbator out there, but I think it will hold a special magic for those who like it really, really fucking incredibly dirty. These fucked-up babes have some fucked-up stories to tell as they do fucked-up things on camera. A lot of them look haggard, but one thing they’ve all got in common is just how real they are.
So, is CrackWhoreConfessions.com for you? That’s still a difficult question, but I urge you to take a look if you found this review even remotely intriguing. Those free previews out front are pretty solidly representative of the actual content inside, so take a look and see how hard they make your cock. Even if you just want a one-and-done crack-whore novelty fap, it might be worth the entry fee when you consider all that bonus material in the package.