I had Erotic MV open in my browser all morning, and I actually just realized it’s no longer morning. It’s always a good sign when any kind of website can make you lose track of time, and if you ask me, it’s even better when it keeps you hard while it keeps you distracted. You’ve got millions of choices when it comes to how you’ll waste today’s productive hours—and I’ve got thousands of them reviewed here at ThePornDude—but I think today’s masturbatory excursion will appeal to the pervs who appreciate a bit of plot and a fair amount of shlock. The stoners in the audience will almost certainly want to bring the pot.
The MV in EroticMV.com stands for Movies, with a subtitle below the logo claiming they’ve got the Best Erotic Movies. That’s kind of a vague description that I don’t think does the stash the justice it deserves, because this ain’t your typical free tube nor the arty farty softcore stuff that often gets lumped under an “erotica” designation. This library of digitized celluloid is more like a trip to an old video store, with free vintage smut, foreign nudie flicks, sexy monster movies and other VHS/DVD oddities. It’s something of an oddball site in this day and age, but they get millions of monthly visitors. Let’s see what they’re watching.
Who’s Up for an Erotic MV?
When the link for Erotic MV first slid into my DMs, I really thought it was just going to be another free tube. While “erotica” is a term that ain’t thrown around all that much in the context of the current crop of modern pornography, video sharing sites are still the dominant form of free porn. I just figured this one threw in the E-word to separate themselves from the rest of the crowd.
That’s why I was pleasantly surprised when I pulled up the site and found something unlike the stuff I’m usually fap testing on a daily basis. The simple red-on-black presentation reminds me of going to the movie theater, but the video thumbnails take me straight back to the days of musty video stores, shelves lined with boxes and brimming with potential. The deviates in the crowd will never know the magic of flipping a box around to see what kind of weird shit awaited.
The thumbnails on EroticMV are not the porno screengrabs you get on the front page of your average tube. The presentation here is a bit more akin to a site specializing in JAV (Japanese Adult Video), as the videos are represented by an image of the original physical cover, a dying form known as box art. It's a dramatically different feel from almost any other modern adult site. One could argue we’re choosing based on skimpy previews on any video site, but here, as in the video store days, that initial choice largely boils down to vibe.
So, what vibe are you feeling today? EroticMV.com ain’t just any VHS library, but a well-stocked one. The material does lean largely toward softcore as opposed to the dick-in-hole, cum-drenched-everything hardcore standards of today, but there’s still a really wide variety of movies to choose from. Even before I’d left the front page, I saw classic French lesbian porn, cheesy ‘80s horror erotica, Korean cuckold cinema, Chinese action exploitation and classic afro-pubes ‘70s porno.
There’s a nice, fat menu of Genres that includes a lot of the niches you expect on an adult site, like Taboo, Lesbian, MILF, BDSM, Office and Voyeur. For my money, it’s the less common subgenres that really make EroticMV special. I’m talking about their whole-ass aisles of Comedy, Science Fiction and Monster movies, plus dedicated sections for Witches, Ghosts, Exploitation and Animation. Come for the Gangbangs, stay for the Historical erotica and Vampire films with boobies.
I’ve characterized Erotic MV as a VHS-era site, though the library technically runs from the 1960s up into the 2020s, and you can even peruse by decade. That said, there’s a lot more vintage stuff than modern material, so I wouldn’t recommend the site to folks looking for current fuck flicks. It is, however, a pretty easy and obvious recommendation for grindhouse cinema fans, vintage smut enthusiasts, pretentious Foreign-film masturbators and the generally stoned.
I Don’t Have Enough Weed for All This
Are you unemployed? If not, do you have a bunch of sick days saved up? The reason I ask is because those of you who really appreciate the artform of Erotic MV may find yourself unable to resist taking another bong hit and loading up a movie, again and again. That’d be a concern even if they only had a couple dozen movies, but given the size of the library, it might lead to a loss in productivity but massive gains in forearm strength and stamina. Oh, and the munchies, too.
As of this writing, there are over a thousand movies in the EroticMV collection. I looked around for upload dates to get a sense for how quickly the site was growing, but I couldn’t find any. The domain has only been around since the end of 2019, though, so I think it’s a safe bet that they’re steadily building the thing. A list of the LATEST EROTIC MOVIES scrolls by the top of the screen, listing the same flicks I see in the top couple rows of the first page.
The latest crop of Erotic MV includes classic ‘70s Italian erotica, a ‘90s bit of new age erotica called The Sexperiment, and a turn-of-the-century softcore movie called Exposed. I like how much info they give right below the video cover, with an IMDB rating, release year, likes, and a handful of tags, which should be just as helpful as the covers when trying to dial in your ideal vintage fap fodder.
It was a 1987 movie that caught my attention. It’s only got a 5 out of 10 on IMDB and only 5 likes on EroticMV.com, but I like the cheeseball vibe as well as the text scrawled between the two pretty ladies in eighties attire: IF JOHN WATERS MET GEORGE ROMERO YOU’D GET… NIGHT OF THE LIVING BABES. As a fan of sleaze, porn and horror, it sounded right up my alley. Clicking through to the video page, I was impressed again by the amount of info presented. EroticMV lists cast, crew and directors wherever possible, adding more clickable tags to help you navigate that sprawling library of video.
‘80s Hair, Boobies and Zombies
A lot of sites with full-length movies hit you with the full power of the spam cannon from the very moment you load up the site, and then even harder when you try to watch a video. By contrast, nothing ugly slipped through my adblocker during my visit to Erotic MV, even when I clicked the Play button for Night of the Living Babes.
The movie opens with the kind of cheap text and grainy picture quality you’ll recognize if you used to pop videos into a giant mechanized box to watch them back in the day. The hairstyles and outfits are straight out of the ’80s, as is the volume of cocaine the wide-eyed stars seem to have consumed moments before getting on camera. Honestly, it’s exactly the kind of cheesy shit I was hoping for when I clicked on the movie.
The girls with the feathered hair aren’t immediately getting along with the guys, who are off to the side, talking about some kind of new wave whorehouse on the edge of town. I skipped ahead ten minutes, by which point they seemed to have made it to that whorehouse. I think the Frank-N-Furter-looking boss bitch in charge is a trans girl, but it’s hard to say with the VHS resolution. The topless girls in brightly colored glam wigs look hot, though.
Flipping around through the movie, I don’t see any full-on sex, but I do see a ton of titties, inuendo and sexual situations. If I have one complaint about EroticMV.com, it's just that the majority of the material is really softcore by modern pornographic standards. This isn’t a site I could recommend to somebody just looking for something quick, easy, and filthy to jerk off to, but it’s definitely worth a look if you’re a fan of vintage smut and VHS weirdness. They’ve got a huge, well-organized library with all kinds of unusual, full-length movies to see. Even if you forget the lube, I’d recommend some edibles or a blunt to burn while watching.